


apology

by would_you_like_some_angst_with_that



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 10:24:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5160296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/would_you_like_some_angst_with_that/pseuds/would_you_like_some_angst_with_that
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is right before the famous 'I love you' 'No, you don't' exchange between Spike and Buffy in 'Chosen'. <br/>This is when he says 'It's up to me to do the clean up/School's out for summer'</p>
            </blockquote>





	apology

he says that you are beautiful  
and holy  
and good  
and pure

he says this with broken eyes  
broken voice  
broken hands

(you broke him)

he says this while he looks at you  
while you look down  
he does not ask for you to look up  
to look at him  
angels do not look monsters in the eyes  
monsters are   
not worthy  
of such a privilege  
(it does not matter that he shines brighter than any light  
you saw while you were dead  
these things will never change)

he says this while he tucks a strand of hair  
behind your ear  
and his blood smears on your cheek

you can hear dead breath hitching in his throat  
dryness crackling in his lungs  
fingers touch your skin  
lightly lightly  
careful careful  
and you curb yourself  
from moving away  
(it’s because, even with the fire,   
they’re still so cold  
you tell yourself)

It’s for me  
he whispers,  
to do the clean up.

and what he means is  
I’m sorry that you became like me   
because of me  
I’m sorry for tainting you  
with my sickness with my filth  
I’m sorry that I made you   
as dead as I am as cruel as me  
I’m sorry that I filled you up so much with hatred  
that you took it out   
on yourself  
I’m sorry that you thought you were   
a monster like me  
I’m sorry because you do not deserve   
what I have done to you   
you do not deserve what the world has  
thrust on you what they made you endure  
(chosen, they say that as though it’s a good thing  
as though it’s special as though you should be   
happy about it)  
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry  
I hurt you  
I’m so   
so  
sorry

instead he says  
I think school’s out  
for the summer.


End file.
